Routines and Creativity: The Scorpion

I am a yogi. I practice as often as possible, and I prefer a heated vinyasa. I am a yoga teacher, earning my 200 Hr. certification from Kripalu, and went on to teach 6 classes a week in my senior year of undergrad. Yoga is my place to focus on me, my place to focus on my breath, and the opportunity to unwind from a stressful week. I aim to practice between 3-4 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. This is very much dependent on my course schedule for the semester. This semester, I have more free evenings to practice yoga, which makes me very happy.

I consider yoga to be a vital part of my creative routine. It's the part of my routine that isn't just following the motions, but rather it's the peak of my week. When I have free time it's the first thing I do, and it's the only thing that matters until I get it out of the way after stress has built up.

I would consider myself an advanced practitioner. I practice often, I practice deep, and I am always striving for that next big pose. My current peak pose is forearm stand to scorpion. Below is a picture of scorpion pose:

To get to scorpion pose, you must understand forearm stand:

Forearm stand is scary. You're looking forward, and you're trusting that your shoulders and rips aren't going to collapse under the weight of the rest of your body. You're sucking your ribs and stomach in, stretching your legs and feet towards the ceiling, squeezing your forearms toward one another, and all the while trying to find this spot of weightlessness of balance and breathing.
To transition to scorpion pose, you send your toes towards your head while you expand your collarbone and chest in the opposite direction.
My fear stems from falling forward, because it's hard to roll out of a forearm stand.

I've set this as a practice since our last set of classes in May. I have practiced this pose almost daily. I don't feel that I've been able to hold it longer, but I do feel that my understanding has evolved, and that my fear has been scaled back because of the increased practice and understanding.

This journal entry is really about my experience with this practice and noting how my emotional state due to stress or fatigue or anything else alters the outcome of my practice of forearm stand/scorpion.

With about a month of data, I can say that I have noted these correlations:
no stress- carefree, solid tries, and easy to let go of the outcomes
low stress- Thisi s when my mind goes into overdrive and I psych myself out
moderate stress- intense dedication to my practice which actually increases the outcomes of these poses, either in duration or hold or the quality of my posture
maximum stress- I don't feel I have time to practice when I'm stressed out, and therefore I don't even attempt this pose
fatigue- apathy towards the practice at first, but more often than not I end up walking away feeling like my outcome was poor.
My end goal is to be able to feel balanced, sturdy, and strong in this posture, with the ability to hold it for about a minute. My record of holding this pose is around 15 seconds. Against the wall I can hold this pose for maybe two minutes. I feel that my relying on the wall is creating a mental block for myself in stepping away from the wall and trusting myself.

After these postures I recorded how I felt after. Words such as
sore, frustrated, unable, and angry were recorded more often than words such as satisfied, strong, whole, happy, or light were recorded. Once I discovered this i tried to say lighter and happier words to myself before attempting a forearm stand, and the outcomes of those attempts were better than those with a less optimistic or accepting mindset going into the posture.

I find that understanding my body more in these postures and feeling accomplished in my practice leads to a higher overall satisfaction and confidence in my daily life. Satisfaction and confidence in myself makes me feel like I can be more creative and that I am in a position where it is alright to take more risks.

I will continue with this observation of my routine and practice, in the efforts to find satisfaction and strength in my creativity in school and the workplace.